Dear Mr Darcy… Yours, White Rabbit

Mr Darcy offers advice to a very stressed rabbit in fear for his life

Dear Mr Darcy

Oh dear! Oh dear! How I am struggling to find the time to put pen to paper and write to you! But write I must, for I need your help. Oh my ears and whiskers, if you cannot assist me I do not know what I shall do!

You see, the problem is that I am always late! Whether it is my watch running slow, or my servant Mary Ann growing to an enormous size and preventing me from entering my house, or – oh my dear paws! – the Duchess taking out her savagery on me, I find myself constantly running hither and thither. And if I am late one more time, the Queen will have my head!

It is a terrible thing to happen to a rabbit of such standing as I: I, who the King trusts to direct proceedings in the court! Oh my fur and whiskers, I feel such a goose. I shall be executed, and all for want of timekeeping! How CAN I have let this happen?

Please, sir, if you have any words of wisdom to offer, they will be most gratefully received – as sure as ferrets are ferrets!

Yours,

White Rabbit

My Dear White Rabbit

First of all, I would urge you to calm yourself. No good ever came of such mental disorder, and I can see that you are allowing your distress to run away with you. Please, take a deep breath, and then another, and then you may be in a position to listen to my words.

I am certain that your good standing in the court will not be unduly affected by occasional tardiness. There! I have said it – and in normal circumstances this would be enough to allay your fears. However, I discern that you are a gentleman (gentlerabbit?) of delicate sensibilities, and a little further reassurance may be required. Therefore, let me lay it out for you.

The Queen of whom you are so afraid is highly unlikely to take such severe action. I can assure you, sir, that it is mere bluster, designed to hide her own inadequacies under a veil of contempt for others. You can be confident that I know of what I speak. My own aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh, employs just such a tone with those whom she wishes to bend to her will, and for the most part she succeeds: although she threatens social exclusion rather than execution, she is no less intimidating to those around her. I can therefore entirely understand your terror.

But know this. Such tormentors – for so I must admit of my aunt, though it pains me greatly – do not have the power they pretend. Stand up to them, and you may be surprised at the result. My own dear Elizabeth found this to be the case when she stood her ground against Lady Catherine: refusing to be cowed, she insisted on her right to determine the course of her own life, and in the end not only she but I too was rewarded.

So, stand up, sir! Do not allow this fear to take hold and ruin your life. If the King trusts you as much as you say he does, then you may be confident you are a valued subject. Although I would recommend a swift repair of your watch, and perhaps the dismissal of any wayward servants who cannot remain one size for more than a minute, these are but minor issues. Serve their majesties well, and you need have no fear of reprisals.

Go forth with courage, my dear Rabbit, and you may even find that the turbulent Duchess is reined in. I have every faith in you.

Yours,

Fitzwilliam Darcy, Esq.